They buried me, but they didn’t know I was a seed

I just completed a retreat in Amsterdam Forest where about 20 people from different countries partook in three days and three nights of Ayahuasca ceremonying and general spiritual raving.

Ayahuasca is a brew made from some plants that grow in the Amazon which is used by people there as a traditional spiritual medicine in ceremonies – you normally puke a while after drinking it and they say this is often where the ‘trip’ is activated. She’s known as the grandmother plant, a sometimes brutal task mistress.

At one point in this retreat I thought I was actually dying, and I’d read that this happens people on Ayahuasca because their ego is ‘dying’. I also experienced my birth, which was the birth of the universe, saw the light show and heard the cosmic tinkling of the spheres above and within. Actually beautiful. Even the part where I stopped being able to breathe after puking and just before exploding into tears in a release I can’t even capture in words it’s so mind-fucking. They say the puking, the ‘purging’ is symbolic of forgiveness.

I’d recommend taking Ayahuasca to everyone, you just have to google around to know what it’s about and know it can only be right as a life experience (taken correctly etc).

Doing it in Amsterdam Forest was particularly special… I loved the nature element of the location, the robin that greeted me and two friends as we ventured out on our second day following 36 hours hunkered down on our Ayahuasca mattresses in the work/sleep cabin adjacent to an amphitheater in this beautiful fucking forest in one of the coolest cities in the world. The horses, dogs and joggers, glorious trees and water things, aaaaaaah.

I wanted my Ayahuasca experience to coincide with my 35th birthday, which is quite a significant one for me. This year is the one my brother didn’t make it past and so I must, but not only that I must use it to shit or get off the pot, as they say. Forge a life (career) with meaning and a sense I’m doing what I came here to do.

In my notebook from the retreat I have scribbled several things from my journey with Granny Aya:

‘Ayahuasca connects us with the universal Norton anti-virus’

‘Anger is the masculine expression of fear energy, sadness is the feminine expression of it’

‘Pain is real. Suffering is a choice’

‘Everything is ready when our hearts are ready’

‘Where there is a problem there is a solution in the same place’

‘The number 11 signifies the beginning of a new cycle’

‘They buried me, but they didn’t know I was a seed’ – Zen proverb

On my fear of vomiting and how I can translate this to areas of my life: ‘Only by going through the fire do we get the liberation at the other side’

Don’t I know it… ONWARD.



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